Follow These Easy Steps On How To Confront Someone At Work

Workplace wrongs are the worst. Except for confronting the wrongdoer. Office disagreements are unavoidable, but they can be handled professionally.

Confronting a colleague is difficult, but achievable. Here’s how to stay calm, fix the problem, and improve your office connections when things go wrong.

1. Give the Benefit of the Doubt

Before jumping to conclusions (and confrontations), assume that individuals may have had good intentions and that you may not know the complete story. A co-worker called me to tell me that another teammate had highlighted progress on a significant project (one I had been working on) in a meeting I had to skip without mentioning my name or contributions. I was devastated. Instead of stewing in my office, I invited that coworker to coffee. I quietly told her what I heard and felt.

Turns out, I didn’t have all the information. The co-worker who contacted me wasn’t at the meeting’s start, so she missed my partner’s explanation that everything the group was about to hear was the outcome of our partnership. Lesson learned.

So instead of assuming and allowing resentment to build, when you hear something that upsets you, go straight to the source and ask for clarification. You might be surprised.

2. Resist the Urge to Email

Most individuals avoid confrontation, including using email. This worsens the issue. No matter how much you dislike confrontation or how wicked you think your co-worker is, beware what you say through email. Who knows where those typed words will go? Instead of an angry email, request for a face to face conversation.

3. Sit Down and Talk

Talking is usually the best first step, even if the situation is more complex. Discuss your worries with your colleague. Spell exactly what she did—“you didn’t mention my contributions when you were presenting our work to the VP on Thursday” is much better than “you never give me credit for what I do.” Explain how it affected you and suggest a remedy. Instead of lingering on the offense, focus on what you can do better moving forward to establish trust, address the issue quickly, and avoid more misunderstandings.

For instance, your coworker is whining about you leading a new project. You may say, “Amy, I understand that you’re concerned about how we’re moving forward with this project, but I wish you had come to me before talking to others. I’d love to discuss my plans with you. Can I answer any specific questions? Avoid being too aggressive—it will put her on the defensive.

4. Write it Down

If it’s a little issue, like someone playing their music too loud, don’t tell your management. If the transgression affects your employment or professional relationships, you should also protect yourself. If the matter is serious, document instances and interactions with your colleague. It’s unlikely you’ll need it, but if the conflict gets worse, you’ll want show your proactivity and professionalism.

5. Pick Your Battles

Finally, don’t confront everyone every time—making an issue out of everything will just cause office stress. Next time you’re irritated about that colleague who never washes her dishes or always has the final word in meetings, take a break and stroll around the block. Consider the issue and whether you need to go to court.

In the end, focus on real issues like a teammate who’s not contributing or who’s undermining you.

Workplace disagreement is inevitable, regardless of your position. However, handling it professionally and flexibly is the key to success. All you can control is that.

Final Thought

Fearing conflict, many people keep their beliefs, ideals, and thoughts to themselves. Why disrupt a good relationship? If you speak what you want, you might harm the other person and quarrel. Your “M.O.” is silence. Avoiding confrontation creates it. It perpetuates a cycle of passivity and aggression that doesn’t meet anyone’s needs.

You can be assertive without necessarily being confrontational….how?

Assertiveness involves speaking with the expectation of respect. Prepare to calmly state your needs, values, and priorities. Eye contact, a confident stance, a polite tone, and a brief, tactful message are key. Allow for negotiation and compromise to listen. Your goal should be to communicate, not to dominate.

Assertiveness doesn’t always lead to conflict, but the other person might. You can’t control what others say or do, but you don’t have to incite conflict. If the other person becomes aggressive, create a boundary, excuse yourself, and leave. They’re responsible for breaking your barrier if they’re angry.

Aggression is confrontation. Confrontational conversations lack respect, self-awareness, and good intentions, unlike aggressive ones. Control and power are the goals. It shows utter disdain and is sometimes followed by verbal or physical threats.

Assertive but non-confrontational is better than silence. Good relationships require honest communication. Even if it’s confrontational, speak up. Avoiding confrontation and asserting yourself typically causes additional interpersonal problems, unmet demands, and worry. Learn more here. You should still try to be aggressive without being confrontational. However, speaking up is usually better than staying silent.

*Speaking up may not be best in a physically abusive scenario. Abuse victims often stay silent because they fear retaliation. Speaking up to someone else is safer than to the abuser. Find someone safe to talk to—a family member, friend, doctor, therapist, the authorities, etc.